Love

I don't know if it is like this for every parent, but for me, I have gradually loved Lacey more and more.  I loved her so much when she was first born, but I wasn't sure if I felt it in the way that so many parents talk about, where they would do anything for their child, and just feel this automatic, intense love with "every fiber" of their being.  I almost feel guilty about that, except that I know that oftentimes, love is learned - its a choice!  I know that love deepens and grows when you serve or make sacrifices for that person.  That kind of love becomes very strong.

I have been feeling this "deepening of love" for Lacey as I have started to embrace my role as a full-time mom more lately.  For awhile, I felt a little sad that I had ended a chapter in my life - the chapter where I had the freedom to do anything I wanted whenever I wanted, I had career goals and enjoyed my job, had a social life, etc.  It is a huge adjustment (just like everyone says) to be a mom, and you give up a lot of your old life, and your old self.  BUT. As I have started to let go of that old life, and accepted the fact that things will never be the same, I have had a paradigm shift.

I'm embarrassed to admit this, but I'll be honest. For awhile, I felt that it was unfair that I had to stay home all day, doing menial chores and talking with a baby all day, and frankly, I felt a little resentful.  I told Richard that I felt a little jealous of him, because he "gets" to leave every day, and do work that earns money and is appreciated and validated.  (Mind you, Richard is amazing at showing appreciation and validation for my work).  While I was telling him this, I realized how completely  selfish and ungrateful I sounded - I immediately wished I hadn't said that.  I am SO grateful that Richard can work, and has a great job that provides for our family's needs without me having to go to work! Because of that, I am able to spend time bonding with Lacey all day long! I know there are so many moms out there who would LOVE to be in my position.  I don't want to take this blessing for granted.  It truly is a blessing.

As I have kept this in mind, and really made an effort to enjoy this time with Lacey, knowing that I am doing what Heavenly Father wants me to do, I have been able to truly feel the joy of motherhood.  I love spending time with Lacey and getting to know her sweet, funny little personality. My love for Lacey is growing exponentially.